‘Likes to Cash’ Contest entry- Dear Diary (By Nida Saqib)
Dear diary ,
I loved her from the day I saw her. Those magical eyes look deep into mine through the mirror and I feel like kissing her so hard that she forgets all her pain. I wish I was able to hold her every time she sobbed and wished to have someone who could hug her so tight. But how could I have done that being inside her only. I love being caged with her, in her but it hurts when she suffers and all I can do is suffocate in those pain and forget that I exists in her. I fall in love with her head over heel when she smiles looking herself in mirror, when she make faces and then laugh on herself. But I hate when she has to shed tears just because I want to breath like a boy, when I want to do all those stuffs which I am suppose to do but can’t, just because I am inside her body.The body which is meant to be protected like princess. I can’t fight against her parents because it is for her safety only and I love her alot, may be beyond my existence. I can’t see those eyes shedding tears because of me, rather I want to see those being watery when she laughs so hard that she can’t breath and her stomach aches.
You know when she was young and growing, I was badly hypnotised by her beauty. I use to imagine her being all matured and grown up with beautiful assets to give her a perfect anatomy of a girl, which will be decorated with beautiful clothes. I use to lose my conscious every time I use to listen her laugh out loud but people where so jealous of it that they always use to punctuate her about her long and deep laughter. She is so innocent that people use to crack jokes on her and I use to hate it. So when anyone try to mock her now I take the incharge of her mind and beat the shit out of them through all the dirty jokes I know. But then I noticed that she enjoys it, so I started teaching her those things and now she is so good at it. I am proud of her. You know she don’t watch saas bahu serials because I don’t like and I don’t watch cricket because she does not find much interest in it.
You know diary, I have always protected her from being into wrong company, especially of boys. I always told her who are there with pure intentions and who are with evil impulsion. She has always been into equal number of company of boys and girls, at times boys proportion use to be more. She never liked girls with so much of tantrums so I use to help her be friend with boys or else she would have isolated herself.
And you know when someone come close to her I feel so worried about it, I feel suspicious of him until he succeeds in winning my trust. If she gets someone who could equally love her like me, I will be so glad.
She is the best thing that has happened to me, no matter if I have to be inside her all the time. When she feels pain in period I wish like if she was in my body she would have not suffered it. But she love kids and thus does not regret it. But I hate watching her in pain. So I try my best to comfort her. I let her know my thoughts through her brain, she thinks she has got beautiful imagination but the truth is I create all those beautiful scene in her mind to comfort her. I wish, I was able to tell her how much I love her but I do make her feel it through her heart when she silently try to listen her beats. I whisper in her ears every time she sleeps that I love you. But at times she doesn’t listen because of the loud noise coming from past. Still I manage to say her that, because she also make efforts to listen me. I know somewhere she also knows about me and about my feelings. She tells that to the world through the tag “self love at highest”, she tells them about her love. I know she loves me too.
Your boy’s spirit in her
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Arya Dixit is currently residing in Bangalore, India. As an avid reader, she was naturally drawn to the world of writing.
Besides reading and writing in her free time, she is also a national level waterpolo player, representing her state in several national level tournaments. She derives inspiration from events and people around her and tries to blend them into a world of realistic fiction. She also offers beta reading services and freelance writing services. Feel free to follow her on Instagram at arya_dixittt .
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